


Castiel, the Bringer of Light; Dean Winchester, the Giver of Life

by m1shac0ll1ns



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Learns to be Human, Castiel is Rebellious, Castiel-centric, Dean Teaches Castiel What It Means To Be Human, Headcanon, M/M, castiel's history
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3634491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m1shac0ll1ns/pseuds/m1shac0ll1ns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Life was not made merely to exist, my children. No, I made it to inspire, to move, to create and to change. And I made you to move with it, to follow its motions and flows and look after it, nurture it and love it. My children, when you walk on Earth, you will see its constant movement, its evolution, and you will evolve with it. But remember, I created you to serve it with all your being. Life is a plant that you must look after, do not let it out of control, but love it and whisper to it to guide it in its slow growth towards the light. This is why I created you, my Angels.”</p><p>A tale told from Castiel's perspective as he goes from a new-born angel carrying his father's message, to falling in every way possible, all for one man and his bright soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Castiel, the Bringer of Light; Dean Winchester, the Giver of Life

“Life was not made merely to exist, my children. No, I made it to inspire, to move, to create and to change. And I made you to move with it, to follow its motions and flows and look after it, nurture it and love it. My children, when you walk on Earth, you will see its constant movement, its evolution, and you will evolve with it. But remember, I created you to serve it with all your being. Life is a plant that you must look after, do not let it out of control, but love it and whisper to it to guide it in its slow growth towards the light. This is why I created you, my Angels.”  
Castiel floated alongside his brothers and sisters, listening intently to every word his Father said. They were the first words he ever heard, and they would stick with him, always. 

His Father wasn’t wrong. Life evolved and grew.  
Castiel remembered watching the first fish walk on land as his brother laid a hand on his shoulder and said, “Do not hurt that fish, Castiel. God has great plans for that fish.” He remembered the first apes that walked, as his Father had said would happen. “These apes will become the most important creatures on Earth. They will walk as they bloom into the most beautiful flower and, my children, you will look out for them more vigilantly than you have looked out for any being before. They will grow to be your family, as they are too my children. You must worship them as you worship me.” That had been when Lucifer had stepped forward and cried, “But Lord, I am afraid I cannot worship any being over yourself. You are my Father, and these apes will become destructive of all you have created. Please, Father, do not ask me to bow down to them.”  
That was the first time Castiel witnessed rebellion. It was also the last time he saw his older brother, Lucifer, but he chose not to think about that. 

The apes grew into man while Castiel was still young, and he grew up believing them to be the most intriguing beings his Father had created. The humans fascinated him and, as his father had asked, he looked after them with all his heart. Some even hastened to say he was too dedicated, but he believed he was doing his Father’s bidding.  
Over the next thousands of years, Castiel would watch as the world broke into war, famine and poverty. It hurt him to see this. 

It _hurt_ him to see this. Angels were not supposed to hurt. They were born without feeling, only to senselessly obey. But Castiel came to the belief that feeling was a good thing and he would ignore his brothers and sisters as they worried he would rebel. He would not rebel. He loved his Father too much. That, and he had learnt from a young age to fear the wrath of Heaven. 

After a while though, Castiel began to have questions that needed answering, so he started to walk among the humans. Every few hundred years or so he would take a vessel from his bloodline of vessels, and walk for a while, learning and feeling what it was like to be a human. For hundreds of years he managed this in secret. The ability to walk alone and occasionally help the people he loved so much was liberating.

That was until his sister, Naomi, found out. His ‘secret walks’ were against Heaven’s code, he soon discovered, and they put him through something that Castiel thought might be akin to hell, to prove it. 100 years of torture (’rehabilitation’ they called it) to get him back in line and he was finally fit to return to Heaven’s ranks. His battalion watched the humans and made sure they remained under control, but Cas no longer cared. His retribution was that he could no longer feel. He no longer posed the threat of rebellion. 

For another 1000 years Castiel maintained his rank. That was until the Angels were instructed to lay siege to hell. The name Dean Winchester was whispered on the wind. He was to be saved, no matter the cost.  
“Castiel, our battalions have laid siege for enough time now, we believe we have broken through the Demonic lines. It is time, Castiel. You have - for some reason only the Lord, our Father, knows - been chosen to raise the righteous man from perdition.”  
Without a second thought, Castiel flew into the depths of Hell. He could feel the hellfire burning red against his white light. He could feel the black smoke relentlessly tearing through his grace. He could hear the screams of the damned piercing into the depths of his soul; depths that hadn’t been touched since he walked among the living. But he would not give up.  
Then he saw it. The brightest soul he had ever seen. It was white and pure, but had clearly been torn to shreds and stitched back together again a thousand times. It was tarnished with small black lines, but these didn’t make it any less beautiful. There was another soul on the rack beside this purity though and the pure one was hacking him apart. With every strike, another black speck would tarnish the righteous man’s soul. Dean Winchester needed saving and Castiel did not hesitate any longer.  
The souls weight was heavy in his hands as he struggled up, a constant bombardment of demon smoke guiding his way. With every hit, Castiel found it harder to hold the man in his arms, but somehow he still struggled to the surface. As the angel’s grace met with the Earth’s crust, there was a colossal Earthquake and all trees within 500 metres of him fell outwards with a bang, but Castiel could not bring himself to care. All he could see right then was this soul and body. The body, though broken, was an easy match for the beauty of the soul and Castiel could see how the two fitted so perfectly together. He softly lay the pure white soul into the body, after cleansing it as best he could, then he lay his grace across the body and felt as every wound closed up and every scar was reborn of fresh unbroken skin. He knew his work here was done, but he felt no desire to leave. Until the Heavens called down to him to find out if his mission was a success.  
He projected only four words across angel radio that day. “Dean Winchester is saved.” 

Over the few months, Castiel fought so hard with rebellion. He couldn’t go through the torture again. He must be a good soldier and do his job. But walking among humans, specifically Dean Winchester, made him want to rebel so badly. But Castiel still believed strongly in his Father, who seemed to have disappeared, so stayed loyal until he couldn’t do it anymore. When Dean looked at him, he knew he would fall and he would fall hard. He tried so hard not to, but it was impossible. He had not fallen. He had fallen for Dean Winchester. 

It wasn’t until Castiel died that he stopped fighting the desire to rebel. He was not Lucifer, because he loved humanity.  
He remembered the feeling of dying though. It was not like anything else; not even raising Dean from hell could compare to the pain. The white light of his brother had ripped through him, severing every limb of Jimmy Novak’s body. He had become very attached to this vessel since it was the way Dean saw him. The way Dean knew him. And Jimmy had vacated, Castiel had allowed him to ascend to Heave, meaning the body was all his. But this meant it was all the more painful to have it torn apart.  
Through the pain, however, he had a moment of clarity. A moment where everything stopped moving and there was nothing but white. Not angel white, but white like the light of the soul he had once pulled from hell. Over the brightness of the white he heard a voice; “Castiel, it is not yet your time.” He knew that voice. It was the voice of his Father. He almost didn’t want to believe it, in case it was all a dream, but then he felt ground under his feet. His feet. Yes he had feet once again, and legs and arms and a body. A body that he knew well. His Father had restored him. It was then that Castiel decided he was on the right path. This was not rebellion, after all, he was fighting for the righteous man. No, he was just making a change, rather than merely existing.

Six years on, and Castiel has been God, he has been human, he has been a leviathan, he has done bad things, he has done good things, he has done bad things in the name of being good, yet somehow his Father had let him run his course. That, and the Winchesters had never given up on him. They were the closest friends he had ever had. In fact, he would go so far to call them his family.  
He lived with the Winchesters now. He had lost his grace and was trying being human for the third time in his long life, yet still there were many things that eluded him. He had walked among man so many times, and still could not fathom how they could deal with hunger, or needing to go to the bathroom on a daily basis. But now he had Dean to guide him through the process.  
Sleep had always been a tricky one for Castiel. How does one find a comfortable position? Or decide the right amount of blankets for being warm, but not too warm? Or decide whether two pillows were more comfortable than one? Because three was a definite no.  
The first few nights in the bunker had been haunted with nightmares of the things he had done and, even disregarding all these factors, Castiel couldn’t sleep. After a while, Dean had noticed how tired the angel was looking and had offered many remedies to help him sleep (another thing Castiel couldn’t understand - how humans used pills and medicine to make them feel better when he could have done it with a single touch once), but none of these had worked.  
One day, the trio had come back from a particularly tiring hunt of a witches coven and all three were exhausted. Sam quickly disappeared to his room, barely saying a word. “Like a moody teenager.” Dean had commented soon after the tall hunter had left. Castiel had actually laughed at this, another emotion he was not sure he was yet used to, but Dean still managed to coax it out of him every so often.  
He looked at the exhausted, mud-coated hunter and, as blue eyes met green, for a second Castiel could see the pure white light coming from Dean’s soul. Only for a second, as long as being human/angel would allow, but it was enough to remind him why he had fallen for this tough loving man.  
“How are you planning on sleeping tonight, Cas? You’re gonna need it after that hunt?”  
Cas’s eyes searched the ground for an answer, but found nothing. “I-er-I don’t know.” His voice grated, like he hadn’t spoken in years.  
“There is one idea I had, but-no-it’s stupid.” Dean huffed, his gaze joining Castiel’s in grazing the ground.  
“What is it, Dean?” Castiel looked up.  
“I-uh-was wondering if-uh-you wanted to share my bed. My mom always used to say human contact is-uh-calming or some crap like that.” He scraped the back of his neck with his hand, nervously.  
“I would like to try that Dean.”  
And so it was that Castiel found himself in bed with Dean Winchester, the one he had gripped tight and raised from perdition. Perhaps Dean had raised him from his own perdition too.  
He had been told that this was an intimate thing for humans, sharing a bed, and his thoughts did linger on this possibility. But soon he pushed them away in favor of sleep, feeling the heat of the pure soul next to him reaching into his very bones. And its temperature was just right. 

When Castiel woke the next morning, he found himself face to face with a very beautiful pair of green eyes. “Heya, Cas. You sleep any better?” Came the husky morning voice of the older Winchester.  
“Hello, Dean. I slept much better, thank you.” He replied a little awkwardly. After all he could barely hear anything over the pounding of his own heartbeat. Suddenly, the desire to kiss the sleepy look off Dean’s face came over him. He was not unfamiliar with this desire, but he still wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. Sam had said it could mean many things, such as an attraction to the person or an infatuation with the person. Either way, human desires were still difficult for Cas to understand.  
It wasn’t until three nights later, Dean having suggested they share a bed every night now since it had worked so well the first time, that Castiel finally became clear on his feelings for Dean. They had spent the past few days hunting a siren in Illinois. The creature had managed to infect Sam but never got near Dean and, when it had wiped its saliva over Castiel’s mouth, it became clear that its poison had no affect on the ex-angel. Both Dean and Sam put it down to Castiel still having a trace of angel grace in him, but Castiel knew otherwise.  
When the siren had tried to poison him, it had reeled back screaming in pain. “You cannot not desire me!” It had screeched again and again, until Castiel had finally realised what it meant was he had everything he desired. He finally realised what it was to love someone. It was more than a desire he had for Dean. That warm feeling that rushed over him every time the hunter was near, ever since Castiel had first laid his eyes on him in hell, that was love, and that prevented him from desire. He did not need to desire anything else when he had all he needed in the Winchester. 

That night, Castiel lay with Dean in the bed, but neither of them wanted to sleep. “You were immune to whatever poison that thing tried to get us with. How is that possible? I’m not buying this bull about it being your grace, Cas. As far as I can see, your 100% whole-hearted human now.”  
“I don’t know, Dean.” Cas lied because it was easier.  
“I think you do know, you just aren’t telling me.” Of course, he could never lie to Dean. In fact, he was just a terrible liar, standard.  
“I-I think it is because he could not possibly find a form I would desire.”  
“How is that possible? Everybody has a perfect image of someone they could fall in love with.”  
“Mine was already there, in front of me.”  
Dean’s mouth opened and shut a few times, not knowing what to say. If it wasn’t for the life-changing confession Castiel had just made, he might’ve been amused that he had finally rendered the boy speechless.  
“Cas-” Dean finally managed. Castiel could see that the green-eyed man had realised what he meant. He was just trying to get his head round it. Suddenly a feeling of concern spread through Castiel’s body, catching him off-guard.  
“Uh-Dean, I hope this does not compromise our relationship-” He was cut off as a soft pair of lips was suddenly pressed against his. He drew in a breath, short and sharp. He had kissed people, demons, even angels before, but never had anything felt like this. It was like there was a fire in his chest and Dean was the fuel and he never wanted this fire to die. He leaned into the kiss, pressing against Dean and letting his hands run through the other man’s hair. Dean had his hand hooked around the back of his neck pulling him in even closer, as if any distance between them was too much.  
Eventually, Dean pulled back and smiled against his lips. “It might just have to compromise our relationship, Cas, but in a very different way to the way you meant.” Cas smiled, before pulling Dean back in, closing the gap that had been there too long.  
After all, his Father had once told him life was not made to merely exist. It was made to inspire, to move, to create and to change. Dean had given him life, and with Dean, finally he could change. Finally he could stop watching life, and live and create and inspire for himself. And, since God had uttered those words to his new born Angels, that was all Castiel had ever wanted to do.

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this to my tumblr, [sleeplessventures](http://sleeplessventures.tumblr.com/), but I figured I would share my headcanon short here too. I hope you enjoyed and I appreciate any and all feedback and kudos.


End file.
